The Best and Worst of Times Aboard the Grand Princess
By:  Marshall Recht 
recht2@hotmail.com 

It was the best of times and the worst of times for me aboard the Grand Princess, when compared to my previous 18 cruises on other lines. The smooth-sailing Grand is a magnificent vessel. Her cordial dinning staff is the most efficient I’ve ever experienced and the food is among the best at sea. The pool and spa areas are the most extensive and are as spectacular as they are accommodating. And there is more to recommend this ship and its crew.

But there is a dark side to the Grand and the cruise line itself. As I learned, a voyage on this beautiful ship can be persistently inconvenient, exasperating and even dangerous. I got my first hint of the troublesome nature of my Princess cruise when my documents arrived. My ticket was not included in the package. It arrived only days before embarkation, along with a few surprises – an extra ticket for me and the tickets for two complete strangers, Glen and Henrietta of Mississippi. As a result, I knew far more about these prospective passengers than I -- or anyone else other than the cruise line -- had a right to know, including their address, surname, preferred bed configuration, and more. In fact, I knew something very important to Glen and Henrietta that even they didn’t know. I knew where their tickets were. I did call this matter to attention of Princess.

Onboard, I opened the door to the Cabin of the Damned. The upgraded deck 11 cabin was extremely stuffy. Its slow drain meant that any shower long than a few minutes would cause water to lap over the shower lip and onto to the bathroom floor where it threatened to flood the carpeted area of the cabin. At night, a large glass framed picture tumbled from the wall and onto the bed as I slept. The room’s very design was deficient. A chair fully blocked the refrigerator door, while a small table impeded access from the bed area to the remainder of the room. Who better to service such a cabin than the Cabin Stewardess from Hell?

One day she neglected to bring towels. On another, she left the room without shampoo. On yet another, she failed to bring both glasses and wash cloths. She would turn down my bed before noon and repeatedly failed to respond to any of my pages during her on-duty hours. There was not a single day when the cabin was fully and properly serviced.  What is as troubling as the problems themselves were their persistence and the inability, or unwillingness, of onboard management to resolve them. Recent vacations on roughly comparable ships, the NCL Sky, the Celebrity Mercury and Royal Caribbean’s Grandeur of the Sea, produced no such problems.

In other ways, the Grand compares more favorably to competition. The entertainment features a large production company with Broadway quality talent. They performed two original shows during the seven-night cruise. Specialty acts were greater in number than I have experienced elsewhere on cruises. Onboard were two comedians, a comedy-juggler, a comedy-magician and a hypnotist with an adult oriented act. Most cruisers are likely to find at least one or two of these acts to their liking, as did I. The main showroom provides excellent visibility and comfortable seating with a neat and convenient feature – a foldout drink table in the armrest. By contrast, the smaller showroom is grossly undersized and site lines are obstructed. Arrive early for a good seat, or any at all. 

Despite the enjoyable shows and an amply sized, active casino, evenings can be reserved, even dreary. The propensity of musicians to play songs from 1940s, too few planned activities, and the absence of happy hours and drink specials, along with parsimonious drink portions may contribute to this ambience. In general, few danced, most spoke softly and the hushed, listless mood in bars and other public rooms often seemed more characteristic of an elegant library than a contemporary cruise ship. 

This is not a particularly cheerful ship, at least in the evenings. But she is a ship offering the finest overall dining experience I’ve ever enjoyed at sea. I selected Personal Choice dining. I was always seated promptly and greeted warmly. Though not the quite best food I have had at sea, it was very good and attractively presented with several extraordinary highlights – the breaded lamb chops in wine sauce, the lobster tail, and the rich, creamy ice creams made onboard. The service, extremely attentive, unobtrusive and friendly, was consistent and was the finest in my experience. The mid-sized dining rooms with rich paneling, classical murals, curvaceous walls and elevated areas provide an elegant atmosphere. The buffet was also among the best, offering a tasty, wide-ranging menu. The buffet area, like the rest of the ship was always in good order. Though Princess bills the buffet as a 24-hour dining option, if you arrive after 11pm, you’ll do your dining primarily on salads, rolls and cake. 

Tours were easily and quickly obtained and the tour desk staff was helpful and knowledgeable. The purser’s office was efficient in routine matters, and kept lines small and fast moving. My onboard statements were up to the minute and accurate. Though Princess succeeded in providing some fine services, as well as outstanding dining and enjoyable entertainment all in the elegant atmosphere of its public areas, it failed to deliver what I’ve come to expect from a cruise – a carefree and comfortable vacation. The eleventh hour arrival of my tickets, the blunders and unresponsiveness of Princess managers, and the dreadful cabin are among the worst of my cruise memories. 

Though I’ve reached these conclusions about my personal Princess experience, still I’m left with one question. Did Glen and Henrietta ever get their tickets? 

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