We were between the two hurricanes you may have heard about at the end of September/first week of October, 2002. So, they announced that our itinerary would be reversed. Instead of Jamaica, Grand Cayman, and Cozumel, it was to be Cozumel, Grand Cayman, and Jamaica. That was O.K., and understandable. BUT, when we got to Cozumel, all tours, both land and sea, were CANCELLED. No jeep trips through the jungles to the pyramids, no SCUBA diving, etc., owing to hurricane damage, they said. The Mexican Navy/Coast Guard was enforcing this. That was disappointing, but still...

Then, I met a couple at the bar at Senor Frog's who had come in on a different (also Carnival) ship. They said that they, too, were originally going to Grand Cayman, but because of hurricane damage, they were told that NO ships were being allowed to tie up there, and so THEY were going to Playa del Carmen or some other port in Mexico. OUR ship had not been told that. As a matter of fact, passengers were assured that yes, indeed, we'd be going to Grand Cayman.

BUT, AFTER we left Cozumel, an announcement was made that we would NOT be going to Grand Cayman, and that we'd be spending another wonderful day at sea! And, for our inconvenience, we'd receive a $20 ship credit! TWENTY DOLLARS! Whoop-de-doo! 

So, instead of going to Grand Cayman or an alternate port like that other ship did, we got to spend an extra day at sea to spend more money in the casino or junk shops on board the ship!

I expected a MUCH MORE substantial restitution than we were given! For instance, they should have refunded us the port taxes they charged for the missed port, and given us about a $300 credit (1/3 the cost of the one-week cruise) for a future booking!

I also did not care for some of Carnival's "rules," e.g., one is not allowed to bring one's own liquor on board, and even the booze you buy in the "Duty Free" shops on board is held for you until the end of the cruise, obviously to make you spend money at the bars on board.

Another passenger, something of a gambler, remarked how interesting it was that at the BINGO games that followed the "free" shows, over $7,000 in BINGO cards were sold, yet the prize was only $750! I'm no BINGO expert, but that seems outrageous to me. I got so mad I refused to tip our attendants, in the hope that they might be incited to make a mutiny against that no good bum of a captain that LIED to us! (They probably got their tips anyway, as I had purchased the prepaid gratuity option; But I didn't leave the coupons in the cabin as instructed.) I also tried to "jump ship," but it was too difficult and expensive to fly from Montego Bay back to New Orleans. I even had the Purser's office check on the availability of flights! They were not very helpful. 

I got even a little bit by sneaking a bottle of liquor on board at Montego Bay, and having FOUR (4) lobster tails on lobster tail night! (You only get lobster ONE night aboard the ship, so you have to make the most of it!) Other irritant: They charge you for EVERYTHING extra, including soda pop and bottled water! There a waiter was, at the gangplank, waiting to sell bottles of water to you as you ventured into the tropical heat of Cozumel or Jamaica... Generally speaking, the food on board was of banquet quality, i.e., you're not going to get anything like what you would get at Morton's or Ruth's Chris. More like about what you'd get at Denny's. As for the ports, in spite of having my Cozumel SCUBA tour cancelled, I enjoyed boozing it up at Senor Frogs. Montego Bay is a pestilent slum, but the bar in the casino in the hotel (I don't remember the name) across the road from Jimmy Buffet's "Margaritaville" tourist trap has Red Stripe beer on tap for $1.50, and you can get a good platter of jerked beef, chicken, or conch for around $10. (BTW, I was told part of the reason our stop in Montego Bay was so bad was that we weren't there on the "regular" expected day for cruise ships, which I believe is Wednesday. We were there Thursday.) 

My recommendations if you insist on going on a Carnival cruise: 1. Sneak your own liquor (and soft drinks!) on board in your "checked" luggage. 2. Do NOT purchase the prepaid gratuity option. That way, you can withhold tips if something goes wrong. Now, if you don't buy the prepaid gratuity option, they'll charge you about $9.50 per day on your bill. But, the rules assure you that, if you wish, you can have these charges removed by going to the Purser's office. The PROBLEM with that is that you have to stand in a long line to do that. So, to avoid that; 3. Do NOT establish credit with a credit card when you check in; Tell them you want to establish credit with CASH. For that, you have to go on board and see the Purser and fork over $150 cash. But, if you never bother to do that, you won't ever get charged for anything. Of course, you'll be inconvenienced when you try to buy anything on board, but there's nothing on the ship you want anyway! Do all your "Duty Free" shopping in the ports. You'll get a better selection, and (probably) better prices. 4. The night before you arrive back, find out what color luggage tags are associated with the higher-class cabins. Obtain a supply of such luggage tags from outside the Purser's office and attach them to your luggage. Then, the night before arrival, place your luggage outside one of the upper-class cabins with the associated color tags. That way, in the morning, you won't have to wait three hours to debark, as debarkation announcements are made according to luggage tag colors! (Now, I've been told that this is unnecessary-that you can leave the ship as soon as the door is open, and your luggage ought to already be available. But I would put the "early" color tags on the bags, just to be sure.) 

I shudder to think what's going to happen on future trips of the "Queen Elizabeth 2" AND the new "Queen Mary 2," now that Carnival has taken over Cunard! It was, indeed, the proverbial "Cruise to hell," except for one very important reason: The town of "Hell," from which everyone mails their postcards home, is on Grand Cayman, and we didn't make it!